


Heart to Heart

by LookingToEscape



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Apologies, Blood, Crying, Cuddling, Explanations, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Questions, answers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookingToEscape/pseuds/LookingToEscape
Summary: In the days after the attack on the senator, Matthew Valentine is still struggling with nightmares. One night he turns to Rafael for comfort and they have a long-overdue talk about Rafael's ex and what happened between them. (TW: descriptions of blood at the beginning).
Relationships: Rafael Aveiro/Main Character (Open Heart)
Kudos: 3





	Heart to Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the memorial and before MC returns to work. Since PB never bothered to come up with an explanation for why Rafael left MC in the first place, I tried to fill in the gaps. At least they didn't butcher Rafael's character any more than they already had. Here's hoping Open Heart 3 will be better.
> 
> TW: descriptions of blood at the beginning.

Nightmares were not a new phenomenon. Everyone had suffered at least once, and Matthew Valentine was no exception. Like most children, he had had nightmares at an early age, and then again during his early teenage years when a death in the family had shaken him to his core.

Lack of sleep was par for the course in the medical field. Matthew had learned to function on four or five hours a night. The worst he could remember it being was a night in his intern year, during the Mrs Martinez investigation, when he had turned up for a shift after no more than ninety minutes of sleep. But this was different. This was a plague that haunted him every night since the attack on the senator. Fitful bouts of sleep, punctuated with images of long, dark hallways, the robotic beeping of a heart monitor, the feel of cold plastic, and three faceless bodies in hazmat suits looking down at him as he lay in a hospital bed, unable to move. 

Matthew woke with a gasp, his heart pounding, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. With a shaking hand, he clicked on his bedside lamp and a soft light filled the room. His own room. His own bed. Matthew let out a breath and sank back against the pillows, wiping his hand across his forehead. The clock on his bedside table read 22:55 and he sighed. He had only been asleep for an hour. There was no way he could keep himself awake until morning.

He sat up slowly, breathing deeply, and reached for the glass of water beside his lamp, sipping it steadily until it was empty. He continued with his measured breathing: breathing in for five seconds, holding for three, and releasing. One of his earliest patients had reminded him of the importance of breathing and that technique had never failed him since. Keeping count of his breathing, he turned off the lamp, lay back down and slowly focused on relaxing his tense muscles. Eventually he drifted away.

He was walking down a long corridor, much longer than it should be at Edenbrook, was he even _at_ Edenbrook at this point? But the patient rooms were very familiar, though they were dark and empty and covered in plastic. There was a slight ringing in his ears, and was that someone calling his name? Something told him not to go near it, but he couldn't stop his feet. Lights started to flicker up ahead and he got a glimpse at what was inside some of the rooms.

The silhouette of a patients body, under a sheet.

Another body, except the sheet had a long bloodstain across the abdomen.

Another body had an elderly arm hanging below the sheet, blood dripping steadily from a pinprick in the forearm.

Matthew started to sweat, breathing in short sharp bursts. He shouldn't be here, he should turn around, but his feet just kept on going. He couldn't stop them, though he tried. The ringing in his ears was growing louder and louder.

And then, out of nowhere, Bryce's voice, loud and frantic. _I'm sorry, Matthew, I couldn't save her. I'm sorry. I failed you._ But Bryce was nowhere in sight. Instead Kyra was lying on the bed, her chest cut open, a tumour creeping out of the wound and over her body. Her eyes were open and glassy. A trickle of blood oozed from the corner of her mouth.

Matthew stumbled, his subconscious screaming that this wasn't real, Bryce _did_ save Kyra, Matthew had seen her recovering from the surgery. He tried again to make himself stop walking but he only ended up falling into yet another patient room where the ringing in his ears was louder than ever. Matthew had just found the source: it was a flatline.

Rafael was lying on an examination table, his eyes wide open and empty. There was a rash spreading across his chest, growing faster than what should have been possible. A black cannister rolled by Matthew's feet.

Matthew gave a silent, agonised scream, his instincts telling him to try CPR, though for some reason it suddenly felt like his limbs were encased in concrete. He knew it shouldn't matter, Rafael was alive, but seeing him lying there, cold and dead, was exactly what Matthew had been so afraid of that night.

Tears of blood suddenly ran down Rafael's cheeks.

"AAH!" Matthew woke with a sharp cry, sitting bolt upright. He drew his knees up to his chest, shaking like a leaf, desperately trying to calm his ragged breathing. Sweat was running down his forehead and his heart felt like it might jump out of his chest. His clock now read 00:07.

When they were in that room, Matthew had held Rafael's hand and looked deeply into his eyes as if he could will him back to health, only for Rafael's eyes to fall shut and his hand become limp in Matthew's grasp. Matthew was almost convinced that Rafael had died then and there; it took a minute to register that the heart monitor was still beeping weakly. When Rafael had woken up and they had started their long recovery process, Matthew took a little comfort in the fact he would never have to think about Rafael dying in his arms again. Apparently his subconscious now wanted to deny him that relief. A lump formed in Matthew's throat and he forced himself to keep breathing as he weakly reached for his phone and shot Rafael a message:

_Are you awake?_

_Let me know when you get this._

He didn't get a reply straight away and sternly told himself that Rafael was probably asleep; it was the middle of the night after all. 

Matthew slowly sat up, then shuffled out of bed and padded into the living area. When he flicked on the main light, he heard a squeak and saw their chinchilla--Spooky--sitting on one of the couch cushions, blinking at him in the sudden light. She had a cage but they never closed it, instead allowing her to roam free.

"Hey, Spooky," Matthew whispered, going over to stroke her. She responded eagerly, grabbing onto his fingers. Matthew picked her up and rested her on his shoulder, taking comfort in her incredible fur.

His phone buzzed in his hand and he sighed in relief when he saw a message from Rafael.

Aveiro.Rafael: _Yeah, just woke up. You OK??_

Matthew swallowed and typed out a reply.

M@thewValentine: _Bad dreams. Just wanted to check in._

Aveiro.Rafael: _Believe me, I get that._

Aveiro.Rafael: _Do you want to come over?_

M@thewValentine: _What, right now?_

Aveiro.Rafael: _If you want to._

Aveiro.Rafael: _It would be nice to have your company._

Matthew's heart fluttered a little. Now more than ever he treasured the time he spent with Rafael. Before the memorial, a few days ago, they had shared a glorious kiss in the park, but they still hadn't properly talked about what happened over the summer.

M@thewValentine: _Thank you. I'm on my way._

Aveiro.Rafael: _Great :) Text me when you're close, I'll let you in._

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, Matthew was walking down the road--lit by the familiar streetlamps--to Juliana's small house. He shot a text to Rafael to say he'd be there in a few minutes, but as he approached the house he was surprised to see Juliana herself at the door. 

"Rafael told me you were coming," she said gently, before Matthew could say anything. "Come in darling."

As she lead Matthew into the house, he caught sight of her tired eyes and hollow cheeks and felt a rush of sympathy for her; Juliana loved Rafael so much, Matthew doubted she would have been able to survive his death. 

"Have you slept at all?" he asked her, and Juliana shook her head ruefully.

"I try, but I can't stay asleep for long. I keep thinking something will happen if I'm not there...and I don't want to hover over him too much, he hates that, although he'd never say anything...but..." Juliana trailed off and swallowed back tears. Matthew put a hand on her shoulder.

"I can stay with him tonight. I'll take care of him. Just, please, get some sleep."

Juliana hugged Matthew tightly and he heard her sniffle. He rubbed her back gently and they stayed that way for a few minutes before Juliana pulled away.

"Go on up to his room, he's waiting for you."

As Matthew approached Rafael's room, the door opened. Rafael stood there, dressed in pyjamas, his curly hair dishevelled. His eyes were a little puffy.

"I thought I heard your voice," he said, smiling gently.

"You're here," Matthew said, weakly. He suddenly didn't know what else to say, he just knew that Rafael was alive and well and standing right in front of him. 

Rafael frowned and pulled Matthew into a tight hug, speaking softly to his grandmother, in Portuguese, over Matthew's shoulder, before leading Matthew into his bedroom and carefully closing the door behind them. He guided Matthew over to the bed, where Matthew sat on the edge of the mattress, raking his hands through his hair. Rafael sat beside him and rubbed his back.

"Matthew, what happened?" Rafael asked, his voice full of concern. "Talk to me. Please."

"Just the nightmares..." Matthew whispered, hoarsely. "There's one I've been having every night...I don't fully remember the details but I'm back in that room, completely alone." Matthew gulped and turned to look at Rafael, who took one of his hands, linking their fingers together and holding tightly.

"The one I had just now...it was new," Matthew continued. "I was walking down a corridor and all these patient rooms were covered in plastic. I think I saw Mrs Martinez and the pregnant woman you brought in that one time but...they were both dead." Matthew took a shaky breath and leaned heavily against Rafael's side. "And then I saw Kyra and she was dead...and so were you..." Tears filled Matthew's eyes and he tore his hand from Rafael's to cover his face.

"Hey, Matthew," Rafael said soothingly. "It's OK. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He gathered Matthew in his arms and held him tightly. Matthew clung to him desperately, sobbing into Rafael's neck.

"It was just...the way you died, Kyra too...the worst thing...and that night in the room, when I was alone, I really thought I'd never see you again." Matthew pulled back a little to look at Rafael and saw that he had tears on his face too. When Matthew reached out to brush them away, Rafael caught hold of his hand and kissed it. Matthew leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Rafael's, looking him straight in the eye.

"I don't think I've ever been happier to see you than I was when you came out of your room just now."

Rafael let out a quiet sob and the two hugged each other tightly, falling back onto the bed, quietly crying into each other and comforting each other simultaneously. Matthew buried his face in Rafael's shoulder, once again listening to his beating heart, treasuring how it felt to be back in Raf's arms, how _warm_ his skin was. He felt Rafael pressing his cheek to the top of Matthew's head...and his tears falling into Matthew's soft hair. 

Eventually, the sobs subsided. Matthew pulled away a little, carefully brushing a stray tear off Rafael's cheek. Rafael took Matthew's hand and held it over his heart.

"You feel that, right?" he whispered, and Matthew nodded. Rafael placed his own hand over Matthew's heart and the ghost of a smile flitted briefly across his face when he felt the pace increase slightly.

For a little while, neither of them said anything. They merely lay together, hands over hearts, cherishing the warmth of the other, the concrete proof they were alive.

"I wanted to ask before, but is everything else OK?" Rafael hesitantly asked. "Apart from the attack, I mean. When I first told you I was leaving. That day you seemed very stressed and upset. You still looked like you weren't sleeping back then."

Matthew remembered that day that felt like so much more than a month ago. The day Jackie had rushed him to Kyra's office to find her hacking up blood, the day he had run the tests that showed exactly how much her cancer had spread, the day he thought--not for the first time, and certainly not the last--that he would lose Rafael for good.

The day he had allowed June to talk him into breaking into Mass Kenmore and convincing _that_ senator that he should leave Kenmore and be treated at Edenbrook instead.

Guilt suddenly swelled inside him. Did that mean he was indirectly responsible for the near-death of Rafael and the actual deaths of Bobby and Danny? What if the senator hadn't come to Edenbrook and the attack had happened at Kenmore? Would it have been him watching helplessly as Aurora spent the night deteriorating and Tobias frantically searched for both the poison and it's antidote? Would Rafael be in Brazil right now, Sora on his way to visit, with Matthew left behind with nothing but old memories?

"Matthew."

Matthew blinked. Rafael was frowning, his hand resting on Matthew's cheek, brushing away the tears that Matthew hadn't realised were falling.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Just...got caught up thinking." He suddenly cuddled closer into Rafael's chest. Rafael's arms tightened around him. 

"The truth is, I wasn't OK," Matthew sighed. "The hospital's financial situation was weighing on me, we'd just lost a potential research grant to Mass Kenmore, I let the stress hurt my friendship with Aurora even though I said I wouldn't, and then Kyra's cancer got worse and at the time she seemed doomed, and you were with Sora _and_ you were moving and I wouldn't have you around at all..." He choked up, a lump in his throat. Pulling away from Rafael's chest, he looked at him directly.

"I've missed you so much," he whispered, brokenly. "I've tried to move on but I really haven't." He turned away, suddenly feeling pathetic.

Rafael didn't quite know what to say to Matthew's confession. He carefully put a hand on Matthew's arm. "Listen...I meant it when I told Sora I still had feelings for you. They never went away." A lump was growing in Rafael's throat now, but he ignored it. "I made the wrong choice over the summer. I'm so sorry, Matthew."

Tears formed in Rafael's eyes, but he blinked them away. Matthew's hand found Rafael's. He turned back to look at him.

"Why did you do it?" He asked. "Please, just tell me the truth."

Rafael nodded, though he was nervous.

"OK. The whole truth. I guess...obviously Sora and I dated in high school, and then I stayed in Boston whereas he went to college in Nevada. There was no bad blood when we broke up, we were just going in different directions. We stayed in touch a little at first, but then we drifted apart. I got my college degree and joined the paramedic service. To be honest, Matthew, by the time I met you I had almost forgotten about Sora."

"Right..." Matthew nodded. "So...what happened? I know we never actually defined what we were but I thought...I thought we had _something_..." Matthew trailed off, remembering the pain of the break-up and how he'd spent days wondering what could have changed so quickly.

"We did. I really, really cared about you. I still do." Rafael squeezed Matthew's hand, silently imploring him to understand.

"Sora had told me he was moving back to Boston and I didn't think much of it. I just thought it might be nice to catch up with him again," Rafael continued. He sighed, looking at Matthew fully, still holding his hand. "When he and I met up again...I was a little attracted to him, which surprised me. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad here, I just want to give you the whole truth."

Matthew closed his eyes against a stab of pain in his long-suffering heart but he held on to Rafael's hand.

"Go on," he encouraged.

"You didn't always have the confidence in yourself last year, Matthew, but you really were someone to be proud of. How you unanimously won your trial on the Mrs Martinez case, how you diagnosed Dr Banerji...I was always so impressed by you. Your career was on track to take you wherever you wanted. I didn't think I would ever leave Boston. When Sora came back to town, it wasn't ever as much attraction as I'd ever felt for you but...it made me think."

Matthew frowned. He didn't like where this was going.

"You're very clever, very talented. I didn't ever want to be the one to hold you back from any opportunities that came your way. As I got to know Sora again, the more I thought he was more on my level."

"And...I wasn't?" Matthew asked, softly.

"No. You were above it," Rafael whispered as a tear spilled over. Saying the words aloud only made him more aware of how stupid he'd been. "I've said before that I don't have much to offer an ivy-league doctor. Sora felt...safe. I decided that maybe I should stay with Sora in Boston, but you and I could be friends while you did whatever you wanted, wherever you were needed. And then just after I told you that I had chosen Sora, I heard that Dr Ramsey had been asked to join the W.H.O. in the Amazon and it was uncertain how long he'd be there for. It only seemed to confirm that I had made the right choice...the safe choice."

Matthew was looking at Rafael, unblinking. "You...thought I was... _too good_ for you?" he asked incredulously. He sat up in the bed, looking back at Rafael. Tears had started to fall again but he didn't make any movement to wipe them away. "Raf...hadn't we been through this last year?!"

Rafael sat up too, his stomach churning. "Matthew, I'm so sorry, I wish I..." He couldn't finish the sentence. It seemed pointless. What did it matter what he wished for? It wouldn't change anything. He had said his truth, the ball was in Matthew's court now. All he could do was sit back and accept the consequences, no matter what they were.

"Oh god, Raf..." Matthew looked at him, agonised. "You're one of the bravest, kindest, most beautiful people I've ever met, but _goddammit_ that was the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" Matthew tugged his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "I've told you, I don't care about where someone went to school or how they grew up. That's not what makes a person. You're selfless, you're funny, and you _are_ clever, and you've always been there for me when I need you. _That's_ who you are, and you are the only person I have ever wanted to be with." Matthew began to cry quietly as he caressed Rafael's face. "It's only ever been you and no one else," he confessed through his tears. "And I need you to remember that."

Rafael's heart was beating fast. He held Matthew's hand to his face as he looked into his eyes.

"You'd still have me?" He whispered. "Even after all this?"

"Yes," Matthew nodded. "I've said before, I thought I was lucky to be with _you_." He linked their fingers together and gave Rafael's hand a gentle squeeze. "I just...I assumed that you and Sora had too much history for me to compete with," he admitted, softly.

Rafael brushed the tears off Matthew's face. "Whatever I had with Sora doesn't matter anymore," he said, firmly. "He's not who I want anymore. Matthew...maybe I don't deserve this...but I want to be with you. I know I've hurt you and I'm so sorry for that. But I promise you, I'll do anything I can to make it up to you...if you want."

Matthew's eyes widened, his heart suddenly soared. Given the circumstances, it felt wrong, but he couldn't help it. He had been hoping to hear those words for months. He took Rafael's face in his hands and pulled him in for a deep, tender kiss. Raf responded eagerly, his arms making their familiar way around Matthew's waist and holding him tightly. Matthew felt more tears on his face, but whether they belonged to him or Rafael, he wasn't sure.

The kiss ended but Rafael continued to hold Matthew close, Matthew's head on his shoulder. They stayed that way for a few minutes, letting the feeling linger.

"To be clear," Matthew said, with a gentle smile, "I want to be with you too."

Rafael laughed quietly and smoothed Matthew's scruffy hair, combing his fingers through the tangled waves. 

"Thanks," he replied. It seemed such a silly, insignificant way to express his relief and his gratitude but he couldn't seem to find any other words.

"Will you stay here tonight?" he asked Matthew, shyly. "I don't really like the idea of you being alone at the moment."

"I'd like that."

Matthew pulled off his sweater and jeans. Rafael removed his t-shirt and they cuddled together under the covers. Matthew lightly traced his fingers over Rafael's skin, and every so often Rafael kissed his hair, which sent a little jolt of happiness down Matthew's spine.

"Have you been sleeping much at all?" Matthew asked Rafael. "Both you and your grandma were awake."

"She's...been struggling," Rafael admitted, pained. "I don't have much of a sleeping pattern at the moment; I just sleep when I'm tired. But I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. When you said you'd come over, I thought I'd wait for you downstairs and she heard me moving and came out to check I was OK. When I said you were coming over, she offered to wait and let you in herself." Rafael hugged Matthew closer. "I heard what you said to her downstairs. Thanks for telling her to get some sleep." He kissed Matthew's cheek.

"Do you think she will?" Matthew asked as he looked at Rafael, who sighed.

"I hope so, I really do. But she's been worrying about me so much. I just wish I could convince her she doesn't need to but..."

"Ssh," Matthew whispered, rubbing Rafael's back. "It's OK. It'll take time, but we'll get there."

Rafael hid his face in Matthew's hair, treasuring the scent and softness of it.

"My family love you," he said suddenly. "That's twice now you've saved my life."

Matthew shook his head, modestly. "You can thank Bryce and Harper Emery for the first time, I just handed them the tools while they did the hard work. And it was everyone else who developed a cure for the maitotoxin."

"I know that but...I was a lot less scared than I would have been if you weren't there."

Matthew leaned in and gave Rafael a loving kiss, Rafael stroking his cheek as he did so. When they broke apart, Matthew whispered, "Please try not to make it a third time."

"I'll try," Raf promised, and Matthew kissed him again. Rafael kissed him back sweetly, trying to convey the depths of his gratitude in one kiss. He wasn't sure if it worked, but he thought he could feel Matthew smiling against him.

Breaking apart, they lay side-by-side, gazing at each other.

"When I was holding your hand in there..." Matthew swallowed, "I remembered the day I first met you."

"Yeah?" Rafael asked, his eyes widening a little.

Matthew nodded, blushing. "I suddenly remembered little things I barely thought about. I remembered the difference in the temperature of the ER and the temperature outside, and the smell of smoke that was coming off your clothes. And the nerves that I always got when a new patient came in and I didn't know their status...it became a slightly different set of nerves when I saw you," he added, with a shy smile. "I don't know why I suddenly thought about it...it might have been the look in your eyes in that room: despite everything else, it was the same as it was back then."

Rafael kissed Matthew's forehead. "I thought about that day too...I had been focused on getting the patient to safety and then you had the brightest eyes I'd ever seen...I got a little distracted all of a sudden," he told Matthew, with a light chuckle. 

"Damn," Matthew grinned. "Here I was thinking that nothing would come between you and your patients."

"Nah, that's you," Raf smiled. "And I've been your patient, so I know what I'm talking about."

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "OK, but I hope you realise I don't usually climb into bed with my patients."

Raf chuckled again. "I feel special."

"You are." Matthew squeezed Rafael's hand. His skin was warm, his grip strong.

Rafael's gaze softened when Matthew yawned suddenly. "Do you want a backrub?"

Matthew fondly remembered Rafael's comforting hands smoothing away his tension. Perhaps a massage was long overdue, and yet...

"Maybe another time? I actually just really want to be cuddled by you."

Affection swelled in Rafael's chest. "Of course. In fact...turn onto your other side."

Matthew did so, slightly confused at first, but he couldn't help smiling when Raf spooned him from behind and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight.

Matthew sighed in relief. His eyes started to close and for the first time in a long time he allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of Rafael's embrace.

Some of the hurt he had been carrying for so long finally melted away.

Rafael kissed the back on Matthew's head as he also started to drift off to sleep. He couldn't help noticing that everything that had been missing with Sora was right there with Matthew.

* * *

Juliana woke up a little later than she usually did. It hadn't been the best nights sleep she'd ever had--it would be a long time before that would happen again--but it hadn't been the worst. Somehow the knowledge that Matthew was with Rafael helped her stay calm.

She wrapped herself in a lavender-coloured dressing gown and started to make her way down the stairs. As she did so, Matthew and Rafael's voices drifted up towards her. She couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but it was interspersed with laughter and then there was the unmistakeable sound of a kiss.

Juliana smiled to herself. She had always thought Matthew was a better match than Sora anyway.


End file.
